I Apologize Profusely (Mom Humor)


I’m writing to apologize to all the cashiers and fellow shoppers who have to endure my beet-red face, sweaty attire, and probably excessive trail and territorial pheromones. The truth is, I just ran over 3 miles for recreation and this store is either along the way back to my car, or I don’t have time to go home, shower, and then drive to the supermarket, wine, or hardware store. I mean, I only have under 3 hours to jog (roughly 40 minutes-I’m slow) and it takes about 20 minutes to get anywhere from my Town (and another 20 to get back), so already I’m down to 1 hour and 40 minutes to shop (that is if I drop my son off on time and I do not stop to chitchat with the kids). For the record, if I go home it takes about 6 minutes and then I will inevitably find other things that need to get done instead of taking a shower. So you see, I gotta do what I gotta do to get my grocery shopping done. I mean, isn’t that why they keep it so cold in supermarkets? Ha. Ok, so I’ve also gone to tag sales during/after a run. Again, I apologize profusely for my appearance and the wet dollar bills, but I only touch what I will definitely buy and I try to air out my bills beforehand. (Psst moms, you get exclusive viewing rights while you’re scanning the items in your sweaty gear.) Ok, ok, finally, I need a button that says, “Don’t hug me, I’m sweaty.” Yeah, it’s time to pick up my son with all the groceries and finds in the trunk. P.S. Some moms only have 2 hours to work with. Forgive us all.

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